Thought we'd answer anyway...

Last night at FOS for the Valentine's Day event, there was a panel of "love guru's" and were given these set questions to answer for the youth community. The panel was great. After hearing their answers, I kept thinking to myself--WOW I wish these people were my friends/influences! OH WAIT--THEY ARE!! How lucky are we??

Josh and I were supposed to also be on this panel, but due to a work conflict we weren't able to. But, I thought we'd answer them anyways. My hope is to encourage and enlighten you readers.


What have been some hard times in marriage?

D-For me, a really difficult issue has been my sexual sin from my past. But not in the way most might think. Yes, I have a daily reminder, in Tyler (and Julia) that I HAVE a sexual past to speak of. But I think a more difficult issue was feeling fully redeemed and "worthy" of someone like Josh to love and forgive me. I have since dealt with these....I would say most of this came out in our first and second year of marriage. And issue we deal with now is just trying to balance mixed up priorities. It's far too easy to put my own growth in Christ behind the kids' needs, household needs and being in ministry. Being selfish. Anytime those priorities have been mixed up it often can cause some difficult times. Nothing that can't be talked thru and put back together. (*priorities that are in the right order should be 1. my own walk with God. 2. my marriage and Josh. 3. the kids and 4. other things like work/activites*)

J-I don't think we've had hard times like I immediately think of. Like major sickness or close death in the family.

What was your wedding like?

D-When I think back to that special day, it warms my heart to know it really went exactly according to my plan! I wanted my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins to feel as special to me as they truly are. I had all of my cousins listed on the program as our honored guests and they also were given either a corsage or boutonniere to show off. Two of my favorite memories (other than the moment Josh placed the ring on my finger) were that my cousin Ryan, Josh's cousin Angela and our dear friend Jaimie spoke about us; Ryan about me, Angela about Josh and Jaimie about us as a couple. The other being that both of my dad's walked me down the isle.

J-Like everyone's wedding--man, woman, candle, kiss, sign, bird seed, limo, pictures, more kissing. Aren't they all the same??

How did you meet?

D-Josh helped my roommate Jaimie move in. I was not only meeting him but "approving" of him for her to date. I thought he was cute and really funny, but never in a million years would I have ever pursued him. Girls and girl roomies just don't go there!! :)

J-Thru Dena's roommate Jaimie. I helped Jaimie move in and saw a picture of a cute girl on the wall. I asked who it was and Jaimie awkwardly said it was Dena...who was sitting on the couch in sweats with no makeup.

What are you tempted with? How do you deal with that temptation?

D-Money. The pursuit of it, finding "happiness" in it, and the feeling of needing more of it. I don't know if I have a solid answer for how to deal with it. It's a constant struggle--paycheck to paycheck. I think after really looking at where our money goes, it sure made it pretty obvious where I like to spend it! Sit down and pencil out a budget would be the best answer I could give for "dealing with it."

J-Buying new cars, motorcycles, or other toys. Sometimes I don't "deal" with it. And other times, I modify the toys I do have to make do.

How does a Biblical Man love his wife like Christ loved the Church?
D-being a servant and provider.

J-love her unconditionally. I have heard it said somewhere "love your wife, till she's lovely."


How does a Biblical woman submit to her husband? What does submission mean?
D-We 100% agree on this:

J-Submission to me means to respect and honor the headship over the family. Submission is NOT me, fits tight, with Dena curled up on the floor. Or Dena being chained to the oven door.

When is a good time to start dating? What are the intentions of dating?

D-The rule in our house is (for Tyler), you can date when you have your own income to pay for things--like flowers, cards, dinner, movies and the like. The kicker with that is the only way he'd have a steady enough job to do these things is if he were older with a degree, preferably, or some sort of career. Which means he'd be old enough to be thinking about marriage. We started VERY young with Tyler on training him to be a Godly husband--so it won't be such a shocker when he's expected to BE a Godly husband. The same rules will apply to Isaac. As for the girls, they won't be allowed to really date till they are trying to date a man who is mature enough to follow our rules. The end. (which could be never--if you ask Josh!) The intentions of dating IS and should be to marry. I wish I would have followed this rule when I was in High School. Unfortunately I dated as IF i were going to marry EACH guy I simply dated. I could have saved myself ah-lah-ot of heartache and unnecessary drama had I just kept my eyes focused on God's will for my life.

J-When you are right with God. You have to be squared away, yourself, before you can add someone to your life. The other person can't "complete you" you need to be whole with just you and Christ first. A job would help! The intentions of dating is to getting married. So if you're not thinking about marrying that person, don't date them. P.S. I HAVE GUNS....BIG, SCARY GUNS.


How did you propose to your spouse?

J-I had two plans in case one didn't happen. But I faked car trouble and had Dena help me "fix it." All under the hood was written "will you marry me" and "i love you." But Dena was too upset that we were late meeting friends, and that she had to be out in the cold snow to be bothered to look under the hood. So I had to put my hand down under the hood, with the ring box opened and asked her "What's this?! This could be the problem." Finally she saw the ring, the writing and me down on one knee. Earlier that day I had asked her dad's permission while her mom, sister and Dena thought we were talking about "taxes." Everyone was surprised.


How do you deal with disagreements/confrontation?

D-I am a natural yeller and thrower of objects. But I am also totally guilty of the silent treatment. I would not suggest either of these things. No, seriously--I do tend to shut down and internalize the issue. To blow up at a later date. Sometimes weeks later. Again, I would not suggest this "method" of dealing with disagreements. Typically we just hash it out. But have started a new practice of, after some much needed cool down time, calmly talking about it and praying over the issue.

J-I'm a on the spot type of guy. I want to deal with it right then and there. Figure out what's going on, what did I do and how can I fix it.


How does your husband make you feel beautiful?

D-By telling me all the time. He will notice little things and does a great job of pointing out a specific thing he likes about my looks--probably because the general "you're hot" got too many eye rolls--so he changed up his technique! :)


How does wife show you respect?

J-By always keeping my laundry clean. But more seriously, by making it obvious I am a priority to her. Not just in clean clothes and great meals, but when she'll hang up the phone to be with me. Or to let someone know she needs to talk with me before making a decision.


What are your love languages?

D-Quality time and Words of Affirmation

J-Acts of Service.


How did you stay pure during dating?

D-We had an incredible (yet annoying) accountability partners. My roommate Jaimie would come in, flip on the lights, sit in between us and ask "what movie are we watching tonight??" I loved and hated her for it!! It also seemed like Josh would be weak when I was most strong, and I was weak with Josh was most strong.

J-I had been pure all my life...so I wasn't going to "go out like that." I turned 27 the day before we got married. It just wasn't an option.


What is a gentleman? ( for husband) What is a gentleman? ( for wife)

D-Josh, maybe because of his military training or just the way he was raised, has ALWAYS treated me like a gentleman should. Opens doors. Picks up the check. Helps you in and out of cars. Offers his arm. And treats my mom the same way. That was different than what I was used to!

J-one word: respect.

What was your most romantic date before you were married?

D-I would have to say our first date. We had already been dating for a few weeks, but our "dates" before this were always with Tyler or in groups. So the first time we went out just the two of us he picked me up. Came to the door and chatted with Jaimie and Tyler for a bit until I was ready to go. He had made reservations at my favorite restaurant. But first took me to Waterfront Park to watch the sailboats and the sunset. At dinner asked me what I wanted and then ordered for me. (I remember we both ordered ice tea no lemon--it was THEN I knew we were meant to get married.) After dinner had planned for us to get coffee and went for a drive, which ended up being our "thing"--we'd put Tyler in the car and off we'd go. Come to think of it--it's still our "thing." And then when he brought me back home, I got a very nice, respectful kiss goodnight. It was one of those dates that I kept replaying in my head and getting all giddy over days later.

J-The only one I seem to remember is our first one. I had a truck with a bench seat and always dreamed of having my girlfriend sit in the "middle" so I could put my arm around her. And on our first date was the first time I got to do that.